Don't worry, I'll take it from here...

This past week was my spring break. I wanted to join my Cru friends in Florida, but I made a prior commitment to go down to Texas with one of my roommates. I really think it was best (for a few reasons that won't be mentioned) that I went to Texas instead. I really got to relax and just enjoy myself... and I also learned a lot about myself and my boundaries and what I still need to fix in myself.

I started the journey slightly discouraged and yearning for comfort. I had all but convinced myself that "the boy" was never going to have any feelings towards me and would certainly never wait for my fast to be done, so I might as well move on. So, I went down to the land of southern hospitality... needless to say, the boys in Texas are very sweet and full of manners and made me feel wanted, so I soaked it up--trying to forget about "the boy" and a set of unrealistic standards that I won't match up to (NOTE: I don't actually know what his standards are, but have simply assumed that I will not fit the criteria). By the end of the week, however, I was a complete mess inside and I was trying to figure out WHAT I was doing! It's like I had decided to let God run my life until a certain point, but then I tried to take over and everything came crashing down! I came back home and to reality... and the reality that I still like "the boy" (and had never actually stopped), even though I haven't seen him and probably won't for a while longer because of the Easter weekend. Again, it's probably for the best... my emotions are ridiculous and I'd probably just act like a ridiculous girl (like now... lol).

This fast is incredibly difficult for me. That's how I know it will do wonderful things in my life when I finally finish it. It is helping me figure out who I am and what my boundaries are. Hopefully, it will also bring me clarity and understanding in what God wants for my life. One of my best friends wrote me something that I want to share. I wrote it out and taped it to my wall to see every day--it's absolutely what I needed to hear...

"He'll give you direction. Just live and don't worry. God does not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. He's not the author of confusion and He says not to worry about tomorrow. If you're confused, lay a fleece on it and if you're wary because you think you're brain is on overload just say, 'I can't do it, Lord. I'm gonna do things to the best of my ability and I'm asking for You to open and close the doors because I'm stressed out trying to figure out everything when You're bigger than me and already have it planned out. So, lead me and help me desire the things You want for me and not what I want for myself.' He'll do it, but don't sit and worry if you're in a place where you don't think you should be. He's sovereign and planned everything for you already. Just rest and trust in Him."

She also gave me two Bible verses:

Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

If you're reading this, pray that I will have the strength to finish this fast and learn all that I can about God and myself. I want to pursue God with all my heart and I feel like this is the only way to actually do it.