Every Woman's Battle

Well, it's March. On one hand, I'm relieved because I've successfully made it through my first two months without a lot of trouble. On the other hand, I keep thinking that I still have over 9 more months to go! Hopefully, once I get past the half-way mark, it will go faster. Honestly, I've had so many thoughts about what would happen if I stopped this fast or if I ended earlier. It's so easy to think, "Everything's fine now! I don't need to keep doing that!" Of course, that's not true. I know that I'm not strong enough to do things on my own. I just have to stay as strong as I can and not give in to the temptation to quit.

I'm trying to keep myself busy with a few different things. I'm reading four or five books at the same time, not to mention all of the homework I have. Almost all of my social activities are church related (so I can TRY to stay out of trouble) and I've also started a 'prayer journal'. I'm sort of using the journal as a multi-purpose writing tool. I write my thoughts about church services, Campus Crusades services, Bible study talks, prayers that I have for myself and others, and I also use it as a venting tool with a direct line to Jesus. HAHA I've found that it helps me to get all of my frustrations out of my mind and onto paper so I can try to focus less on what's eating away at me.

One of the many books I'm reading is called 'Every Woman's Battle'. It's exactly what I need to be reading right now and how I know that I'm not strong enough on my own. I'm learning how to approach relationships in a way that I never have before (which is a big reason why I started this fast to begin with). I'm tired of diving into things without really knowing or seeing what I'm doing! This book is really helping me re-wire my brain when it comes to men and relationships. I've also been seeing a therapist since November and she has SERIOUSLY helped me in this re-wiring process as well. We're working on figuring out what I do and don't like... eventually figuring out what I do and don't want. Being able to decipher the difference and make better choices in relationships is my ultimate goal with ALL of this!

In my emotional struggle with this 'project', I have (of course) become interested in someone. We don't see each other often, so that helps sometimes... but it's getting harder. We have things in common and he's fun to be around. We don't know each other well at all, so hopefully things will continue to go slow as the time passes. Right now, my main worry is that he won't stick around to wait while I'm going through this fast... which, I guess, would simply weed out the faint of heart and help me to move on to greater things. I've had many conversations with God about this, and I know that He will be with me through everything no matter what any man decides to do in my life... I just have to keep telling myself that!