"No Men in 2010"

I rarely make New Years resolutions anymore because I always choose some ridiculous thing like giving up chocolate or coffee... and we all know that just won't happen. :) However, about a week ago I was thinking about my life thus far and what I seriously wanted to try and change about it in the year(s) to come. Something that would be life changing and drastic, but with a purpose and an eventual outcome of enlightenment.

I began thinking about the positives that have come into my life this year:

*Moving forward in school.
*Meeting so many new people and creating the web of relationships I have with them.
*A rekindling of an old flame with God that I thought had burnt out, but realized had never left.
ETC...

And I thought about the negatives also:

*Injuries.
*Failed relationships or friendships (including those that were a confusing mixture of the two)
*Outrageous choices on my part to be someone I'm not just to appease other people and try to feel better about myself and the downward spiral my life was headed in.
ETC...

In combination of these two things, I've decided to enforce what some may call an intricate New Years resolution in my life. I'm calling it "fasting", but I understand that some people don't know that term in the way I'm using it and it can make some uncomfortable, so if it's easier for you to think "resolution" be my guest.

"No Men in 2010" is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. For ONE YEAR I won't be dating or doing anything else that is considered romantic with anyone. It took me a while to come to terms with this, but as fasting usually goes it wasn't my decision. I just know it's the right thing to do...

"Usually a surefire sign of that 'little voice' being God is this: If what you are hearing is a good thing and you don't want to do it, chances are that you aren't the source. I'm usually the source of indulgent, ego stroking ideas that end up being curses... not the difficult, sacrificial ones that end up being blessings."- Matt MacDonald (The Classic Crime)

I've made many mistakes in my life. So many that I don't care to count because I doubt I can count that high. I'd get lost somewhere in the middle and have to start counting all over again. But who wants to do that? I don't want to hold on to all of my mistakes. I want to get rid of them and feel the forgiveness for them that I have already been given. So, I'm fasting men. Relationships have always been my downfall. They take precedence over everything else in my life and I tend to end up being miserable rather than happy. And I tend to get involved in them when I don't really even know the person, and part way through I realize that I don't like this person, rather I liked the person I wanted them to be.

In hopes of knowing myself better and figuring out my relationship with God, I'm fasting so I can limit my future mistakes in the relationship department and have a clearer vision of what it means to be in a relationship with someone. Along with this large part of 2010, I will be practicing MODERATION in my life. This can mean whatever you want it to mean, I guess, but my main focus is to moderate my use of things that I abused previously. I'm being vague b/c I don't really know all that it entails at this point, but I feel certain that I will know when these moments arise.

Before I go, **A DISCLAIMER**...

I won't be changing "who I am". Some people like to see the word 'God' and think that it means I've become a completely different person that they can no longer talk to or be around as themselves. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I am still Kristin. I just won't be participating in the same activities I once did, which doesn't mean I won't be around while you do them. Be who you are and let me be who I am. None of the fundamental things about my person has changed. My personality is the same. So, please don't treat me like I'm a stranger.

Love,
Kristin :)